I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
