Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
