Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dear god my vagina.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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