Can i not drive my cunt home
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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