Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Boobs are out for the taking
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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