I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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