it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
