Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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