Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
