rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
