we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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