but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
