how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
