Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
