I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
this beer tastes like vomit already
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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