Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
