I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
