You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
