No period for spring break; use this wisely.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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