His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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