shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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