Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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