just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
