We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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