yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize