You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
