just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
