dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
