Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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