guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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