help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
