He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
