I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
