When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
