none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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