Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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