Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
