He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
