I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
