We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
