Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
