why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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