i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
