I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize