yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
