Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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