Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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