you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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