I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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