why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize