My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
