you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
