You made me cry and you don't even care
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
