I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
