took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
