I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
