Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
