Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
