"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
