We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
