Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize