How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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