Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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