Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
